Episode eight of True Blood season four, “Spellbound” aired last night and everybody’s hands are getting dirty.
Jessica is alive, duh. Jason saved her, double-duh. Antonia’s spell wears off before Jessica rips Jason in half and instead they end up making out. Finally.
After things cool down, Bill high-fives Jason, tells him that they are forever in his debt and politely tells him to eff off for a while. Bucky didn’t make it.
In the aftermath, Antonia-Marnie’s is pissed because they only succeeded in melting one measly vampire. Andy is trying to keep himself from licking Beulah Carter’s vampire meat off of the ground and no one, not even Maxine Fortenberry, takes him seriously. King Bill glammers a news anchor, spins the story for vampire sympathy and later, schedules a meeting to begin peace talks with Antonia-Marnie. In a cemetery. At Midnight. Geez, what could possibly go wrong…
Tiny packmaster, Marcus Bozeman gives a speech about staying out of this whole vampire-witch fiasco. He breaks up a fight and even seems to be getting along with Alcide. He starts to seem like an okay guy until he shows up at Luna’s house and gets petty because Sam is there, being awesome. He tries to act scary, but he just ends up looking like a tiny douche.
Sookie unsilvers Eric and it’s clear that he needs to feed. Sookie feeds him her blood to keep him alive. Eric feeds her his to get her super high. The next thing we know, Eric and Sookie are tripping balls, mumbling like stoned teenagers and having sex all over Narnia. It’s one part prog rock album cover, one part 1970′s ski lodge porno.
Tommy shifts into Maxine in order to sell her house out from under her. But not before unsuccessfully negotiating for a better deal and propostitiong the salesman for what I think was supposed to be old lady sex favors. Gross, Tommy. Gross.
Jessica has super intense dreams about breaking up with Hoyt, wherein Hoyt starts crying and pleading like a desperate baby. Then Jessica kills his face. She fucking smashes his face into a spray of Jell-O! I bet you totally thought it was real. I did.
At least I did until Jessica goes out to Jason’s truck and makes out with him, still covered in blood. Later on, she breaks up with Hoyt in real life and he reacts differently: acting like a total vampire-racist dick, rescinding his invitation and banishing her from their apartment.
Debbie loves the shit out of pack life. And she needs Alcide to love it too. Part of that means staying out of vampire business, as Bozeman commanded. Which translates to Debbie as: Alcide is not allowed to be around Sookie. #Math.
Lafayette is a medium. Which means he can see ghosts and flashbacks. We find out that Mikey’s ghost mommy (Mavis?) once had an secret baby with some married white guy, who killed the baby. She goes nuts and eventually becomes a ghost. Before he finds out how, Lafayette wakes up, gets possessed and heads over to the Bellefluers to scoop up Baby Mikey.
Meanwhile at the cemetery, Bill and Antonia-Marnie meet. But they’re not alone. Pam’s there. Tara’s there. A bunch of jerk humans are there. Eric and Sookie have finally finished banging and have decided to help and they’re there too. Things escalate quickly and soon Eric is ripping a heart out of a lady. (There’s my boy!)
Magic fog kicks in and everything goes John Carpenter. Pam attacks Tara, but Bill saves her. Sookie gets shot. Holly (ha!) silvers Bill. Antonia-Marnie gets the jump on Eric rendering him—okay, I’ll say it… Spellbound.
With none of her vampire boyfriends around to save her, Sookie needs her werewolf pseudo-boyfriend to save her. And he does. Even though his crazy jealous werewolf girlfriend made him promise not to. Pays to be kind of a slut sometimes, eh, Sook.
Still no zombies.